Goofy Wants His Money: The Complete Saga

(Brock Baker is talking to the viewers with a Rodman Serling voice)

Brock: What you're about to witness is a series of videos I made where I harass my roommate Damien for money using a Goofy puppet. A series originally filmed for "TikTok", hence the beautiful nine-by-sixteen aspect ratio. Also, there's outtakes and deleted scenes at the end. Watch those too or don't. One last thing, this series is not intended for small children. If you have any young ones nearby, get them out of the room or throw them away if you have to and enjoy "Goofy Wants His Money: The Complete Saga".

(We then see Goofy walking up to Damien Sanders)

Goofy: You got my money, Damien? I'm gonna make your life a living nightmare. I just want my money, Damien. Are you gonna make this difficult?

(Damien's room. Damien is writing something down. Goofy is outside the room getting his choking hand ready)

Damien: Goofy? What are you doin', dude?

Goofy: I'm gettin' my chokin' hand ready. Where's my money?

(Goofy tries to run inside the room, but Damien shuts the door on him)

(Later, Damien is playing "Mortal Kombat". Goofy walks over to him)

Goofy: Whatcha playin'?

Damien: I'm playin' "Mortal Kombat".

(Goofy sees how much damage Damien is doing to the other player in the game)

Goofy: Ooh. Oh wow. That's what I'm gonna do to you if you don't give me my motherf*ckin' money. Yep. Gonna do one of those. Gonna do one of those too. Oh yeah. You better believe I'm gonna do one of those. I don't know why you find this so funny, Damien. I'm gonna hurt you.

(Goofy walks over to the door)

Goofy: Clock's tickin', b*tch.

(Goofy shuts the door. Then, Goofy is back inside Damien's room)

Goofy: Oh sure, Damien. You can afford a sixty-dollar game, but you can't give me my damn money.

(Goofy is now in the kitchen holding a knife)

Goofy: I found a knife.

(Goofy is back in Damien's room and is holding up his boots)

Goofy: These are my stompin' boots.

(Goofy notices Damien's guitar)

Goofy: Oh wow. That's a nice guitar, Damien. Would be a shame if someone threw it into the ocean.

Damien: Hey!

(Goofy goes over to his bed)

Goofy: Come at me, b*tch.

(Goofy is back in the kitchen and is holding a gun)

Goofy: I found a gun.

(Damien is in the kitchen. Goofy goes over to him)

Goofy: If you don't give me my money by June, Damien, things are gonna get really goofy.

(Goofy goes inside Damien's room and Damien is there)

Goofy: You got my money, Damien? I'm sad that you've never complemented me on my nice leather boots. You wanna know where I got these leather boots, Damien? Let me tell you somethin' about Clarabelle Cow. That ringin' a cowbell, Damien? You see, Clarabelle Cow also owed me money.

(Damien searches for pictures of Clarabelle Cow on the internet)

Goofy: Yep. That's her... Or should I say "was her"? H'yuk!

(Next day. Goofy is at the computer. It turns out to be Goofy's birthday)

Goofy: Gawrsh. It's my birthday today.

(Damien walks into the room)

Goofy: Oh, Damien. Do you know what today is?

Damien: I'm leaving.

Goofy: No! What do you mean, you're leaving? On today of all days, Damien? Do you know what today is?

(Damien shakes his head. Goofy growls)

Goofy: Do you really think you can skip town with all the money you owe me and on my damn birthday?

(Damien laughs)

Goofy: Is that funny to you? I'm jiggling with rage! Owin' me money was one thing, but you forgot the most special day of all: My birthday. There's gonna be hell when you get back, Damien. Hell.

(Later, Goofy is at the computer looking at Damien's "YouTube" channel)

Goofy: Damien Sanders, aka "makemebad35". More like "makememad35". He's made many mistakes: Owin' me money, not payin' me by June, leaving town, laughing at me, and forgetting my birthday, but now that he's back home, he's fresh out of excuses.

(Goofy walks out of the room angrily)

Goofy: I've been gettin' my chokin' hand ready and I've been jiggling with rage these past few weeks!

(Damien's bedroom. Damien is in his bed)

Goofy: I'm done h'yukin' around. Things are about to get extremely goofy. Gawrsh.

(Damien lifts up the covers. Goofy is in the bed. They both scream)

Goofy: Go to sleep, Damien.

(Later, Goofy has Damien tied to a chair)

Goofy: Wake up, Damien.

(Goofy slaps Damien)

Goofy: Wake up!

(Goofy slaps Damien harder and he wakes up)

Goofy: Oh, Damien. Thank Walt you're alive. You can finally give me my motherh'yukin' money. You fell victim to my chloriform hand and have been in a coma for over a month. but don't worry. I've been bathing you everyday gettin' all those nooks and crannies.

(Damien unties himself)

Goofy: I've also been feeding you feces of Clarabelle Cow. You can hear her bell when I jiggle your tummy.

(Goofy jiggles his stomach and we hear bells ringing)

Goofy: So, Damien, about that money...

(Damien pushes Goofy to the ground)

Goofy: Big mistake, Damien.

(Goofy jumps at Damien and tries to attack him, but Damien pushes him down the stairs onto the pool table. Damien then stumbles down the stairs and opens the screen door. Mickey is outside)

Mickey: Oh boy.

Damien: What?

(Mickey chuckles and Damien screams. Mickey gets inside the house and stands over him)

Mickey: There's nowhere else for you to crawl, Damien. This is the end of the road. It's time to make you dead.

(Goofy is now standing on the pool table perfectly fine)

Goofy: He's mine.

Damien: Goofy? You're alive?

Goofy: Do you know how many cliffs I've fallen down, Damien? Falling onto that pool table was pleasurable for me.

(Goofy rubs his nipples)

Goofy: Oh yeah.

(Goofy realizes that his nipples were damaged)

Goofy: My nipples. My little Goofy teets.

(Damien gives Goofy an odd look)

Goofy: Don't kink-shame me, Damien. I feel the power coursing through my body. My choking hand is finally at full strength and I can't wait to use it on you, Damien. Where's my money?

Mickey: Yeah. F*ck him up, Goofy. Brush his windpipe.

(Goofy chokes Damien)

Goofy: Oh yeah! I've been waiting so long for this. H'yuk. The sweet sweet release of life.

(Goofy loses his grip and Damien falls to the ground)

Goofy: Ah dang it. I guess my chokin' hand needs a little more work.

(Damien gets up and sees that the knives in the kitchen are gone)

Damien: Where are the knives?

(We then see Winnie The Pooh on the kitchen table holding all the knives)

Pooh: Looking for these?

(Donald Duck then jumps at Damien and Damien screams and shouts)

Donald: (What the f*ck, Damien?)

Damien: What?

Donald: (What the f*ck, Damien?)

Damien: What?

Donald: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

(Goofy sees a sign on the wall that says "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GOOFY" on it)

Goofy: "Happy Birthday". It's a little too late for that, Damien.

(Goofy yells as he jumps at the birthday sign causing it to fall apart)

Pooh: Damien. Come out to play.

(Goofy goes over to Damien)

Goofy: Now I'm gonna slap you with my ears.

(Goofy slaps Damien with his ears)

Goofy: Where's my money? Where's my money?

Donald: (Where's Goofy's money?)

Mickey: Where's Goofy's money?

Pooh: Where's Goofy's money?

Mickey: Where's Goofy's money?

Donald: (Where's Goofy's money?)

Goofy: Where's my money?

(The video stops and there is a big text that says "TO BE CONTINUED..." There is then another big text this time saying "NOW!" and the video resumes)

Goofy: Where's my money, Damien?

Mickey: Break his legs.

Donald: (F*ck him up.)

Pooh: Remove his head. Drink his blood.

Damien: Wait. How much do I owe you again?

Goofy: Oh... Uhh... Three dollars, forty-two cents, five rubber-bands, an old boot, and half a bean. Don't you remember?

(Earlier. Everything is in black and white. Damien walks up to Goofy)

Damien: Hey, Goofy. Can I borrow three dollars, forty-two cents, five rubber-bands, an old boot, and half a bean?

Goofy: Sure, Damien. You're my best friend.

(Back to the present)

Damien: Oh yeah. I have all that.

(Damien places three dollars and forty-two cents on the kitchen table along with five rubber bands)

Damien: Three dollars, forty-two cents, five rubber-bands...

(Damien gets out an old boot)

Damien: An old boot...

(Damien takes a knife from Pooh and cuts a bean in half)

Damien: And half a bean

Goofy: Gawrsh. Thank you, Damien. You're my best friend. Here's a best friend kiss.

(Goofy kisses Damien on the cheek)

Pooh: I still hope we remove his head.

(Suddenly, Goofy's phone rings)

Goofy: Hello?

(Jack Douglass is on the other side of the phone)

Jack: Hey. I'm in a bit of a jam. Can I borrow some money?

Goofy: Sure, Jack. How much do you need?

(The video ends and there is a big title that says "THE END" followed by a "?")