Club Penguin Ruined: The Movie

Skit #1
FADE IN: EXT. HAWAIIAN HOTEL - DAY. COWBELLY is standing outside the hotel. He stands there looking up at the hotel and there is a YELLOW PENGUIN dancing around in the background. COWBELLY Ah here it is. The good kush. CAMPFIRE - DAY. COWBELLY and DYLANK22 are standing by the campfire. COWBELLY Pass the blunt, you fat orange fuck.

Skit #2
INT. PIZZA PARLOR - DAY. An ORANGE PENGUIN is telling COWBELLY, the cashier, what he wants to have. ORANGE PENGUIN Hi. Could I get a pizza please? COWBELLY How about no, you fucking raisin?

Skit #3
INT. COWBELLY'S IGLOO - DAY. COWBELLY is at his computer presumably watching adult videos. COWBELLY Oh yes. This is hot. Put it in there. REGANDD walks into the igloo. REGANDD What the fuck, Carl?

Skit #4
INT. STADIUM - DAY. COWBELLY is talking into the microphone. COWBELLY I would like to tell a story about a great man today. His name was John Cena!

Skit #5
EXT. HAWAIIAN HOTEL - EVENING. COWBELLY is wishing the viewers a happy Thanksgiving. COWBELLY Happy Thanksgiving, you fucks. I'm gonna eat until I shit like I'm at a "Taco Bell".

Skit #6
EXT. TOWN - DAY. COWBELLY runs past a dancing PINK PENGUIN. COWBELLY Ah fuck. My n***a just got clapped by a snowball. INT. GREENHOUSE - DAY. COWBELLY runs inside the greenhouse.

Skit #7
INT. RESTAURANT - DAY. COWBELLY is eating at the restaurant and is clearly unsatisfied by his meal. COWBELLY What the fuck is this shit? This pizza tastes like a zebra dipped in plaster.

Skit #8
SNOWY MOUNTAIN - EVENING. COWBELLY and PAPA GUSHERS are at the top of the mountain. COWBELLY Hey. Can you do me a favor? PAPA GUSHERS Sure. COWBELLY Okay. Come here. PAPA GUSHERS walks over to the edge of the mountain. PAPA GUSHERS Now what? COWBELLY Jump.

Skit #9
EXT. PIRATE SHIP - DAY. COWBELLY is going for a walk and complaining about his life in front of everybody. COWBELLY I need to get a fucking job. Being a pimp is too hard for me.

Skit #10
INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY. COWBELLY is over by the cash register trying to get a job at the coffee shop. COWBELLY Y'all n***as hiring?

Skit #11
INT. STADIUM - DAY. COWBELLY is on the stage talking into the microphone. COWBELLY Here is a song for all of the kids here. COWBELLY starts singing. COWBELLY My neck, my back. Lick my pussy and my crack.

Skit #12
CAMPFIRE - EVENING. COWBELLY and PAPA GUSHERS are standing by the campfire. COWBELLY Hey. Do you guys wanna hear a joke? PAPA GUSHERS Okay. COWBELLY Carter Reynolds's fame. Don't interrupt me, you draft cunt.

Skit #13
EXT. TOWN - DAY. COWBELLY runs across the town. COWBELLY Oh my gosh. Maggie.

Skit #14
EXT. FOREST - DAY. COWBELLY runs across the screen. COWBELLY Ey. Where the penguin hoes at? COWBELLY sees a pink penguin, IHAVEAIDS, but realizes what their gamertag is and leaves. COWBELLY Fuck that. Nevermind.

Skit #15
INT. COWBELLY'S IGLOO - DAY. COWBELLY is yelling at his puffle, CORNFLAKES, for pooping in the house. COWBELLY What the fuck, Cornflakes? Next time you shit on 						my Burgundy carpet, I'm taking you back to the shelter.

Skit #16
EXT. DESERT TEMPLE - DAY. COWBELLY and COLBEL are hanging out outside the temple. COWBELLY I am so fucking high right now. Wanna order a pizza? COLBEL Yeah, man. I could go for some Cheerios. COWBELLY What? COLBEL I don't remember.

Skit #17
INT. CAFETERIA - DAY. COWBELLY is telling ZOEY771 a poem. COWBELLY Roses are red, violets are blue. Ey baby, show me what that mouth do.

Skit #18
INT. COWBELLY'S IGLOO - DAY. COWBELLY is sitting at his piano. COWBELLY I would like to play you all one of my personal favorites. COWBELLY starts playing piano.

Skit #19
EXT. TOWN - DAY. COWBELLY is standing in the middle of the snow. Suddenly, he starts dancing. A song starts playing in the background. SINGER My pussy good, pussy sweet. pussy good...

Skit #20
INT. PIZZA PARLOR - DAY. SAMMY563 is talking to the viewers. SAMMY563 I'm Sammy from the Pizza Parlor. INT. PET SHOP - DAY. COWBELLY is also talking to the viewers. COWBELLY I'm Daniel from the Pet Shop. SNOWY MOUNTAIN - DAY. TYRONNE walks over to EVIE:3 and JUSTIN63. TYRONNE I'm Tyronne and I've come to fuck your wife.

Skit #21
INT. PIZZA PARLOR - DAY. COWBELLY is working the register and he is talking to himself. COWBELLY Day forty-seven working here. I have realized that this is a cash register and not a typewriter.

Skit #22
INT. NIGHTCLUB - DAY. TYRONNE is on the stage rapping. TYRONNE Yo my name is Tyronne, now I'm all grown. I'm on my throne, and I'm in my zone.

Skit #23
INT. TOWN - DAY. COWBELLY is talking to himself. COWBELLY Why roll snowballs when you can roll fat blunts? WYZNIANK11 throws a snowball at COWBELLY. COWBELLY turns around and faces him. COWBELLY Listen up here, you fat cunt.

Skit #24
INT. COWBELLY'S IGLOO - DAY. COWBELLY'S igloo is suddenly filled with treadmills. COWBELLY All these treadmills and I'm still fat as fuck.

Skit #25
INT. QUIET ROOM - DAY. COWBELLY is hanging out with PINSTRIPES and talking to him. COWBELLY So, I went to the nurse today and she told me I needed to stop wanking. PINSTRIPES Why? COWBELLY She said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

Skit #26
PUFFLE PLAY AREA - DAY. COWBELLY is standing over by the play area. MATTEG211 walks over to COWBELLY. MATTEG211 Hey, man. Could I borrow some coins please? COWBELLY How about no, you fucking burnt piece of celery?

Skit #27
INT. OFFICE - DAY. COWBELLY and DIANO2011 are at their desks talking. COWBELLY When I was born, I was given a choice: Have a huge penis or a great memory. DIANO2011 Which did you choose? COWBELLY I can't remember

Skit #28
INT. COWBELLY'S IGLOO - DAY. COWBELLY is looking out the window of his igloo. COWBELLY Since when did my igloo become a fucking prison?

Skit #29
EXT. TOWN - DAY. There is a big crowd of penguins outside. DARKME100 I'm a twenty-four-year-old man who befriends people for two years. COWBELLY Jesus fuck, man. Get a job.

Skit #30
INT. RESTAURANT - DAY. COWBELLY is sitting at a table in the restaurant. The waiter, SAMMY663, walks over to him. SAMMY663 Hello, sir. What can I get for you today? COWBELLY Goddamn, girl. Can I get a slice of that ass?

Skit #31
INT. NIGHTCLUB - DAY. TYRONNE is on the stage rapping about himself. TYRONNE Yo it's Tyronne on the beat, you're gonna move your feet. 'Cause my rhymes are so fire, that all you can do is admire.

Skit #32
EXT. TOWN - EVENING. COWBELLY and LIONHOBBY2 are standing next to a green penguin, LUKEO424, who is wearing a green Christmas stocking outfit. COWBELLY Yo. I hate when people dress like that. COWBELLY walks over to LUKEO424. COWBELLY We get it. You smoke weed.

Skit #33
EXT. TOWN - EVENING. TYRONNE runs across the screen. TYRONNE I just fucked your bitch in some Gucci flipflops. Let me slip into something more comfortable. TYRONNE puts on a pineapple costume.

Skit #34
INT. PIZZA PARLOR - DAY. COWBELLY is talking to everybody and standing on the table. COWBELLY Hello. Yes I have an announcement to make. JUANFRUIZ76 Vusco padres digan five. (Spanish for "Vusco parents 										say five") COWBELLY You're all little shits.

Skit #35
CAMPFIRE - EVENING. COWBELLY is standing next to the campfire. COWBELLY Jesus fuck. My mixtape is out of control.

Skit #36
INT. NIGHTCLUB - DAY. COWBELLY walks over to IHAVEAIDS, who is dancing to the background music. COWBELLY What the fuck?

Skit #37
INT. HOTEL - DAY. PINKTART1 is yelling at everyone for running in the hotel. PINKTART1 No running in my lobby.

Skit #38
EXT. TOWN - DAY. COWBELLY walks over to a red penguin, ULTRAIN, who is wearing a hat with grass in it. COWBELLY Is that weed?

Skit #39
CAMPFIRE - EVENING. COWBELLY is sitting by the campfire and holding a book in his hands. COWBELLY Gather around the campfire, kids. We're gonna read "Fifty Shades Of Grey". A snowball is randomly thrown at COWBELLY.

Skit #40
INT. PIZZA PARLOR - DAY. COWBELLY is talking to everybody and standing on the table. COWBELLY Hello. Yes I have an announcement to make. JUANFRUIZ76 Vusco padres digan five. (Spanish for "Vusco parents 										say five") COWBELLY You're all little shits.

Skit #41
INT. EXCERCISE ROOM - DAY. FUNNYPINKY9 is sitting on a treadmill with his puffle. FUNNYPINKY9 Fuck it. I ain't running. I'm a fatass.

Skit #42
EXT. TOWN - DAY. COWBELLY is standing next to THEBO, who is wearing a dinosaur outfit. COWBELLY Holy jumping Jesus on a breadstick. What the fuck are you?

Skit #43
SNOWY MOUNTAIN - DAY. COWBELLY is trying to flirt with LISACROWN. COWBELLY Ey, girl. Did you fall from heaven? LISACROWN leaves. COWBELLY Come back here, ya fat bitch.

Skit #44
INT. NIGHTCLUB - DAY. ROXYLALONDE is at the nightclub dressed like a treasure chest. ROXYLALONDE The real treasure is my sweet pussy.

Skit #45
SNOW FORTS - DAY. MOBW is next to the giant Club Penguin Timezone clock. MOBW Ey. LMAO.

Skit #46
INT. CLASSROOM - DAY. URAUNTSALLY is teaching PINSTRIPES, COWBELLY, and POPEER1111 just like a teacher would. URAUNTSALLY Okay, class. What does the pig give us? POPEER1111 Bacon! URAUNTSALLY And the chicken? PINSTRIPES Chicken! URAUNTSALLY Good! Now what does the cow give us? COWBELLY Homework.

Skit #47
EXT. TOWN - EVENING. COWBELLY is supposedly flirting with DAISY6631. COWBELLY Ey, girl. What kind of flowers do you like? DAISY6631 Why? COWBELLY 'Cause I need to know what to put on your casket after I murder that pussy.

Skit #48
SNOWY MOUNTAIN - DAY. COWBELLY is looking at the snowman on the mountain. COWBELLY Is this Olaf on drugs? Give me back my kush, you fat white motherfucker.

Skit #49
INT. JUICEBAR - DAY. COWBELLY is working the register and ILOVEBOX24 is giving COWBELLY his order. COWBELLY Hello. Yes. What would you like today? ILOVEBOX24 Pizza please. COWBELLY This is a juicebar, you retarded apple crumble cunt.

Skit #50
INT. STADIUM - DAY. COWBELLY is on the stage and is about to tell everyone a poem. COWBELLY Hello. This is a poem I wrote. Roses are red, violets are blue. You're a cunt, thank you.

Skit #51
INT. SWIMMING POOL - DAY. COWBELLY is conducting a meeting for a club. Everyone is wearing a ghost costume. COWBELLY Hello. Welcome to the first annual KKK meeting. PENGUIN Why are we in a pool?

Skit #52
INT. COWBELLY'S IGLOO - DAY. COWBELLY is looking at the clock in his igloo. COWBELLY Ah it looks like it's time to go fuck your bitch. COWBELLY leaves.

Skit #53
INT. JAIL CELL - DAY. COWBELLY is in the jail cell. COWBELLY Locked up 'cause my eyebrow game is too strong.

Skit #54
INT. COWBELLY'S IGLOO - DAY. COWBELLY is on the computer presumably watching adult videos again. Suddenly, ZOEY771 walks in on him. COWBELLY Who the fuck are you? ZOEY771 Your mail order bride.

Skit #55
VOTETRUMP is wearing a Christmas tree costume and telling everyone why they should vote for DONALD TRUMP. VOTETRUMP Guys. Everyone vote for Trump. Trump is the best candidate. COWBELLY walks over to VOTETRUMP. COWBELLY Shut up, you fat tree-lookin' cunt.

Skit #56
EXT. TOWN - DAY. LIZA678 is trying to tell COWBELLY a joke. LIZA678 What do you call a penguin who's being mean? COWBELLY A dickjuggling thundercunt. That's what. LIZA678 What the fuck is wrong with you? LIZA678 leaves.

Skit #57
EXT. TOWN - DAY. GRAHAMHEAVEN is supposedly wishing the viewers a merry Christmas. GRAHAMHEAVEN Merry crimes. Happy Chrysler. Merry Chritems.

Skit #58
INT. CHRISTMASY LIVING ROOM - EVENING. COWBELLY is watching the fire. COWBELLY That's right, Fred. This is what you get for trying to fuck my bitch.

Skit #59
INT. CHRISTMASY LIVING ROOM - DAY. COWBELLY is sitting in the chair and FREDWW21 is recording him with a big camera. FREDWW21 And we're live. COWBELLY Shit. We on national television. Oh fuck. I'm not supposed to swear. Oh fuckin' hell.

Skit #60
INT. DARK CAVE - DAY. COWBELLY and other penguins are having another KKK meeting. COWBELLY Hello. Yes. Welcome to the second annual KKK meeting. PINSTRIPES Why do we meet in these retarded locations? ZOEY771 Matt? Why are you so small? LOL. MATTEG211 Fuck off, Zoey.

Skit #61
EXT. TOWN - EVENING. HATSIE is standing next to a broken fire hydrant and all the water is pouring out. HATSIE My water is breaking.

Skit #62
INT. PIZZA PARLOR - DAY. CASSANDRA54 is complaining about how hot his pizza is. CASSANDRA54 Fuck. This pizza is so hot. Why do the things I love most keep hurting me?

Skit #63
INT. FREDLOCO'S IGLOO - DAY. COWBELLY is inside FREDLOCO'S igloo. The only decoration is a coffee plant. COWBELLY Why is your only decoration a coffee plant? FREDLOCO Anything's a dildo if you're brave enough. COWBELLY Jesus fuck, Fred.

Skit #64
INT. RESTAURANT - DAY. COWBELLY is angry because he is not being served. COWBELLY Hello, waiter. Why am I not being served? Is it because I'm blue? 88MATNOY Yes. COWBELLY Listen up here, you fat sack of dogshit.

Skit #65
INT. STADIUM - DAY. COWBELLY is on the stage telling jokes into the microphone. COWBELLY What do penguins do in a race? They peng-win. Nobody laughs or says anything. COWBELLY Y'all motherfuckers better start laughing soon.

Skit #66
EXT. DESERT TEMPLE - DAY. COWBELLY is showing WYZNIANKI11 the fire inside the temple. COWBELLY And this is where we cook the children. WYZNIANKI11 Ah cool. COWBELLY leaves. WYZIANKI11 Wait. What the fuck?

Skit #67
INT. QUIET ROOM - DAY. COWBELLY is playing Mancala against COWBELLY JR and COWBELLY loses. COWBELLY JR Aaand you lost again. COWBELLY Nobody plays Mancala anyway, you fuckin' nerd. COWBELLY Fuck outta here, you fat cuntbiscuit.

Skit #68
INT. LIGHTHOUSE - NIGHT. COWBELLY is telling COWBELLY JR what he can see through the stethescope. COWBELLY Wow. Even under close examination, you're still a cunt. COWBELLY JR This is why Mom left you, you fat prick.

Skit #69
INT. TOWN - DAY. COWBELLY is making fun of SKEETSKEET for being small. COWBELLY Hahahahahahaha. I could fit you into my pocket. SKEETSKEET You're so fat you could sell shade, you ginormous cunt.

Skit #70
INT. TOWN - DAY. COWBELLY is dancing to the background music. SINGER (O.S.) I've got the cure for all of my blues. I take a 						look at my enormous penis and my troubles start a-meltin' away.

Skit #71
INT. COWBELLY'S IGLOO - DAY. COWBELLY is dressed like a doctor and PINSTRIPES is sitting in a chair telling COWBELLY that he thinks he is sick. PINSTRIPES Doc. I think I might be sick. COWBELLY Are you a smoker? PINSTRIPES No. 												COWBELLY Do you do illicit drugs? PINSTRIPES Of course not, Doc! COWBELLY Are you sexually active? PINSTRIPES No, Doc. COWBELLY Ha. Fuckin' loser. COWBELLY leaves.

Skit #72
INT. RESTAURANT - EVENING. COWBELLY is the waiter and is asking PINSTRIPES and CINDY007 for their order. COWBELLY Good evening, fatasses. I'll be your waiter tonight. PINSTRIPES Okay.

Skit #73
EXT. CAVE - DAY. COREYCAP is looking into the cave. COWBELLY walks over to him. COWBELLY Wow. This looks suspiciously like your mother's vagina. COREYCAP leaves. COWBELLY Wait. What? I was not expecting that reaction.

Skit #74
EXT. TOWN - DAY. CHEERIOSM8 and COWBELLY are standing next to a tub full of lava. COWBELLY That's a lot of lava. Looks hot. Would be a shame if someone... COWBELLY pushes CHEERIOSM8 into the lava. COWBELLY Fell.

Skit #75
EXT. LIGHTHOUSE - DAY. COWBELLY and JPSEPH11 are hanging out outside the lighthouse. COWBELLY Hey. What's Beethoven doing right now? JPSEPH11 I don't know. COWBELLY Decomposing. JPSEPH11 leaves.

Skit #76
INT. SNOW FORT - DAY. COWBELLY and CHLOEH0E are inside one of the snow forts. CHLOEH0E You know my name. Not my story. COWBELLY Well, your name says you're a hoe, so I don't need to know your story, you fucknut.

Skit #77
INT. RESTAURANT - DAY. COWBELLY types the heart emoji for his pizza. JIMY123445 types a heart emoji for COWBELLY. COWBELLY The heart wasn't for you. It was for the pizza, ya fuckwhistle.

Skit #78
EXT. FOREST - DAY. COWBELLY walks over to LIZZIE0038. COWBELLY Hey, girl. Are you a coin? LIZZIE0038 No. 												COWBELLY 'Cause you're not worth that much. Got 'em. Deez fuckin' nuts.

Skit #79
SNOWY MOUNTAIN - DAY. COWBELLY and POOOLW are looking down at the lake. COWBELLY Hey, man. You see that beautiful lake? POOOLW Yeah. What about it? COWBELLY Go drown in it. COWBELLY leaves.

Skit #80
INT. CARD-JITSU BUILDING - DAY. COWBELLY walks into the building and starts talking to NINJA. COWBELLY I am here to seek the booty.

Skit #81
INT. NIGHTCLUB - DAY. COWBELLY is presumably talking to the viewers. COWBELLY Hello, my love. I'm here to satisfy all of your needs.

Skit #82
BANNED SCREEN. Text: Banned. The server has automatically banned you for saying a bad word. You said "Shit, n***a. That's a sweet-ass wizard hat."

Skit #83
INT. CLASSROOM - DAY. OLAF is the teacher of the class and he is standing in front of COWBELLY. OLAF I am now your teacher. COWBELLY Move. OLAF Do one math problem. COWBELLY Fucking move. OLAF Then, we will play a game... COWBELLY Move, you fucking cunt. OLAF Called "Huge & Go Seek". Wave when you are done please, or dance. OLAF starts dancing. COWBELLY Holy shit, you fucking Olaf-looking cuntbag. Fucking move. I'm trying to make a Vine.

Skit #84
INT. CARD-JITSU BUILDING - DAY. COWBELLY is talking to NINJA about himself. COWBELLY Sensei. I know I haven't been doing well and I'll do anything to keep my grade up. NINJA says nothing. COWBELLY I'll blow you for a blackbelt.

Skit #85
INT. JUICEBAR - DAY. COWBELLY is wearing a grape disguise. COWBELLY I've done it. No-one will suspect a thing. PINSTRIPES walks over to COWBELLY. PINSTRIPES Eyo, Cowbelly. COWBELLY Goddamn it, you fat cuntbag.

Skit #86
EXT. TOWN - DAY. DELPH145 is talking to COWBELLY. COWBELLY is reading a book. DELPH145 You know my name. Not my story. COWBELLY That's very odd 'cause right here, it says you're a cunt.

Skit #87
INT. SECRET AGENT BUILDING - DAY. COWBELLY is looking at the water dispenser, which has a fish in it. COWBELLY What the fuck? This is fucked up, yo.

Skit #88
INT. THEATER BALCONY - DAY. A BLUE PENGUIN is sitting in the theater balcony. BLUE PENGUIN This place is so boring. I bet Abe Lincoln would've killed himself.

Skit #89
INT. PIZZA PARLOR - DAY. COWBELLY is robbing the Pizza Parlor. COWBELLY This is a robbery. Hand over the money in the register, ya fat lemon-square-lookin' cunt. COWBELLY CR 						I always knew you would be a failure, you steaming sack of shit. COWBELLY Fuck off, Dad. COWBELLY leaves.

Skit #90
INT. LIGHTHOUSE - DAY. COWBELLY is holding a single binocular and looking for something. COWBELLY Has anyone seen the booty? I can't find it anywhere.

Skit #91
INT. CLASSROOM - DAY. COWBELLY is teaching the class. COWBELLY Good morning, class. Today, we will be learnin' about George Washington and how he slayed them hoes.

Skit #92
EXT. IGLOO - DAY. A PINK PENGUIN is looking at her marijuana plantation. PINK PENGUIN My weed plantation has flourished.

Skit #93
INT. STADIUM - DAY. WYZNIANKI11 and some other penguins are on the stage performing a song. WYZNIANKI11 Let this gooooooo. COWBELLY walks up to them. PENGUIN NO. 1 High-five. COWBELLY That's not how the song goes, you stupid cunt.

Skit #94
THE CLUB PENGUIN RUINED RAP Lyrics: COWBELLY You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll, decide where to go. You have brains in your head, you have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself, any direction you choose. One fish, two fish. Red fish, blue fish. Dumb cunt, thick cunt. Swell cunt, fat cunt. Pass the blunt, charge the front. The ball punt, you're a grunt, mothercunt. I got swag, read a mag. You're a slag, flying a flag, throw a frag.

Skit #95
BEACH - DAY. COWBELLY walks up to BREAF, who is sitting in a lawnchair. COWBELLY Wow. That dress looks really nice on you. Psych. April Fools, bitch.

Skit #96
INT. RESTAURANT - DAY. PINSTRIPES and COWBELLY are at a booth having a conversation. COWBELLY So, we were cornered right. Snowballs flying over our heads. Crazy shit. The waiter, LINSAY113W, walks over to them to ask for their order. LINSAY113W What do you want today, sir? 												COWBELLY Shut the fuck up, bitch. I'm talking right now.

Skit #97
INT. BALLPIT - DAY. COWBELLY is inside the ballpit. COWBELLY More balls here than in Paris Hilton's mouth.

Skit #98
SNOWY MOUNTAIN - DAY. JAMAULL is trying to make GIANTMIKEA jump off the mountain. JAMAULL Jump. Maybe you'll fly. GIANTMIDEA jumps off the mountain. JAMAULL Uhh... Where'd he go? Shit.

Skit #99
INT. RESTAURANT STAGE - DAY. COWBELLY is talking to everybody through the microphone. COWBELLY Hello, all. Today I'll be singing a song that my mother used to sing to me before bedtime. COWBELLY starts singing. COWBELLY I never fucked Wayne, I never fucked Drake. On my life man, fuck's sake. Eat my ass like a cupcake. A PINK PENGUIN walks up to COWBELLY. PINK PENGUIN Excuse me, sir. That's not very appropriate. COWBELLY Listen up here, you fat cunt. I'll sing what I want. Fuck outta here.

Skit #100
BEACH - DAY. LUKE0424 is talking to COWBELLY about his divorce. LUKE0424 I just feel so lonely after the divorce. COWBELLY Don't worry, man. I'm here for you. LUKE0424 Can you do me a favor then? COWBELLY Yeah. What is it? LUKE0424 Give me a hug? COWBELLY LOL, dude. I ain't gonna lie. That's pretty fuckin' gay.

Skit #101
EXT. TOWN - DAY. COWBELLY and BRITNEYSQ are sitting on Puffle chairs. BRITNEYSQ is twerking on her Puffle chair. COWBELLY This is most definitely animal cruelty.

Skit #102
EXT. CAVE - DAY. GRAPECOLAID is wearing a doctor outfit and telling DUBMUNCHIE and COWBELLY about the disease that DUBMUNCHIE has. GRAPECOLAID It seems the patient has a deadly disease. GRAPECOLAID tries to take the disease out. COWBELLY You can't just take out a disease, you dumb cunt. Good fucking lord. COWBELLY leaves. DUBMUNCHIE Help. I'm dying.

Skit #103
ICEBERG - DAY. COWBELLY and PINKGUIDKIDC are standing on the iceberg. COWBELLY Can you leave? PINKGUIDKIDC No. 												COWBELLY Listen up here, you fat cunt. PINKGUIDKIDC throws a snowball at COWBELLY.

Skit #104
EXT. TOWN - DAY. COWBELLY and SUSANNAMEEP are standing next to the lava tub. SUSANNAMEEP Alright. It's time for my beauty sleep. COWBELLY LOL, bitch. You need to hibernate.

Skit #105
INT. TOWN - DAY. COWBELLY is showing RAUNCHY113 a blank painting canvas. COWBELLY Here is a list of the people I care about. RAUNCHY113 There's nothing on there. COWBELLY Take the hint.

Skit #106
INT. QUIET ROOM - DAY. COWBELLY is over by the fireplace. COWBELLY Everyone come warm yourself. I've put my mixtape on.

Skit #107
INT. RESTAURANT STAGE - DAY. COWBELLY is on the stage with an orange costume. COWBELLY Orange y'all glad I'm here. RONJEREMY No. Shut the fuck up with your dumb puns. COWBELLY Well, excuuuuuuse me. I'll vitamin C you later. COWBELLY leaves.

Skit #108
INT. FOREST - DAY. COWBELLY is wearing a raspberry costume. CUTIECHLOE walks over to him. CUTIECHLOE If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute-cumber. COWBELLY Well, I'm a raspberry, so fuck you, ya fat bitch. COWBELLY leaves.

Skit #109
INT. FOREST - DAY. COWBELLY is sitting on the ground. The penguin logo for Club Penguin is pointing at COWBELLY and it looks like it is touching his private area. COWBELLY That's right. Rub my dick, bitch.

Skit #110
ICEBERG - DAY. COWBELLY is on the iceberg alone. COWBELLY Look. It's all of the people who want to date me.

Skit #111
INT. CLASSROOM - DAY. COWBELLY is the teacher. KYLE1234567 walks over to the weird liquids in the test-tubes on the table. KYLE1234567 Teacher? Are these safe to drink? COWBELLY Yes.

Skit #112
INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY. COWBELLY is working the register and PINSTRIPES is taking forever to order. PINSTRIPES Hmm... COWBELLY Hurry up and order your damn coffee, you fat fuck.

Skit #113
INT. RESTAURANT - DAY. CHLOEH03 is sitting at a table. A waiter, COWBELLY, walks over to CHLOEH03. COWBELLY May I take your order? CHLOEH03 No, but you can take my heart. COWBELLY What?

Skit #114
INT. HOTEL - DAY. COWBELLY is at the desk. YAZMINMAY walks up to him. YAZMINMAY Excuse me. Can I get a room please? COWBELLY Goddamn, girl. You're gonna need an extra room for that ass. YAZMINMAY Listen up here, you fat cunt. COWBELLY No... What? I'm supposed to say that.

Skit #115
INT. RESTAURANT STAGE - DAY. COWBELLY is telling the audience jokes and wearing a bee costume. COWBELLY Aren't you guys glad I could bee here? RONJEREMY Holy shit. You're back again. Fuck outta here with your puns. COWBELLY Listen up here, you fucking cunt. Bee gone. RONJEREMY I'm calling management. Good fuckin' lord. RONJEREMY leaves.

Skit #116
INT. FOREST - DAY. RORY007 and MIAKHALIA are hanging out. RORY007 How old are you? MIAKHALIA I'm nine. RORY007 I'm ten. COWBELLY walks over to them. COWBELLY And I'm HIV positive. COWBELLY leaves. RORY007 What's that? MIAKHALIA Something to do with bees probably.

Skit #117
INT. TOWN - DAY. COWBELLY walks up to DELFIMANCHI wearing a star outfit. COWBELLY Look. I'm brighter than your future.

Skit #118
CAMPFIRE - EVENING. COWBELLY walks up to the campfire and throws his homework into it. COWBELLY Fuck this shit, man.

Skit #119
INT. RESTAURANT STAGE - DAY. COWBELLY is on the stage telling jokes. COWBELLY Why did the bankrobber go to jail? Because he robbed a bank. FITZIERALD That was fucking stupid. Do you think this is some sort of game? COWBELLY Yes.

Skit #120
INT. COOLPENG47'S IGLOO - DAY. COWBELLY is inside his igloo and COOLPENG47 is sitting in the chair. COWBELLY Cool chair, man. COOLPENG47 Thanks. It's my new plush grey chair. COWBELLY Why are you saying it like that? COOLPENG47 Like what? It's my plush grey chair. COWBELLY Just call it a fuckin' chair. COOLPENG47 It's my plush grey chair, dude. COWBELLY Listen up here, you fat blueberry cunt.

Skit #121
INT. QUIET ROOM - DAY. COWBELLY walks up to 88BIMBO88. COWBELLY You're disgusting. Put on some clothes, you slut. 88BIMBO88 throws a snowball at COWBELLY. COWBELLY Listen up here, you fat fucking cunt.

Skit #122
INT. MILLEY11'S IGLOO - DAY. There is a lot of ice inside the igloo. COWBELLY walks up to MILLEY11. COWBELLY Hey there. MILLEY11 doesn't say anything. COWBELLY Hello? No response. COWBELLY You are a joke. MILLEY11 I'm not the one having a conversation with myself, you fucking idiot. MILLEY11 leaves.

Skit #123
EXT. TOWN - DAY. COWBELLY is wearing a magician outfit. He walks over to MOSEY45. COWBELLY Hey. Want to see a magic trick? MOSEY45 Sure. COWBELLY Poof. You're a little bitch. COWBELLY leaves.

Skit #124
INT. COWBELLY'S IGLOO - DAY. COWBELLY'S PUFFLE is standing on a decoration on the wall and won't come off. COWBELLY Get over here, you fat piece of shit. How did you get on the fucking wall?

Skit #125
ICEBERG - DAY. COWBELLY and LINNET86 are on the iceberg and LINNET86 is singing. LINNET86 I walk a lonely road. COWBELLY Are you making a Tumblr post or something?

Skit #126
INT. NIGHTCLUB - DAY. CHLOEAG1 is dancing to the background music. COWBELLY walks up to CHLOEAG1. COWBELLY Goddamn, girl. COWBELLY throws coins. CHLOEAG1 How about no, you cabbage-looking fuck. COWBELLY Get back here, ya fat bitch.

Skit #127
INT. CASTLE - DAY. COWBELLY and ZOE467 are inside the castle. There are dragon decorations all over the place. ZOE467 Why are there dragons everywhere? COWBELLY 'Cause I'm gonna be dragon deez nuts across your face tonight. ZOE467 leaves.

Skit #128
INT. STADIUM - DAY. COWBELLY is on the stage and is giving an announcement. COWBELLY Alright, everybody. Listen up. This is important to our survival as a species. The FitnessGram Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The twenty-meter...

Skit #129
INT. COWBELLY'S IGLOO - DAY. COWBELLY and SRT104 are hanging out inside COWBELLY'S igloo. COWBELLY So, what's your spirit animal? SRT104 That's a hard one. Haha. Maybe a flamingo? What's yours? COWBELLY Whatever animal has sex with a flamingo.

Skit #130
INT. MILLER11'S IGLOO - DAY. COWBELLY walks into the igloo and sees all of the ice. COWBELLY What the fuck is this? Since when did my home turn into a Hollister?

Skit #131
INT. SECRET AGENT BUILDING - DAY. FATIMA007 is apparently sad. COWBELLY walks up to him. COWBELLY What's wrong? FATIMA007 Nobody likes me. COWBELLY I can see why.

Skit #132
INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY. COWBELLY is sitting in a chair. GUSSY114 walks up to him and sits next to him. COWBELLY You're in my seat. GUSSY114 moves to a different seat. COWBELLY You're in my other seat. GUSSY114 sits on COWBELLY. COWBELLY Goddamn it, you fucking idiot.

Skit #133
EXT. LIGHTHOUSE - DAY. SOFIPP11 is standing in the snow. COWBELLY sneaks up behind SOFIPP1 and humps her. COWBELLY I can't believe they let me play Club Penguin in jail.

Skit #134
INT. FOREST - DAY. RYS11 and ZARINABEAN are supposedly dating and they type the heart emoji for each other. OHROAS30 suddenly walks over to them OHROAS30 Babe? What the fuck? Who is this guy?! COWBELLY is standing right by them wearing a KERMIT THE FROG costume. COWBELLY But that's none of my business.

Skit #135
INT. COWBELLY'S IGLOO - DAY. COWBELLY and SILVIA446 are looking at the map on the wall. COWBELLY Look. It's the map showing how easy it is to get into your pants.

Skit #136
INT. PIZZA PARLOR - DAY. RICARDIBOP is sitting at a booth. The waiter, COWBELLY, walks over to him. RICARDIBOP Can I get a pizza please? COWBELLY Sorry, sir. No shoes. No shirt. No service. RICARDIBOP All your wearin' is a fuckin' hat, you stupid peanut fuck. COWBELLY Listen up here, you orange flavored motherfucker.

Skit #137
CAMPFIRE - EVENING. AUDREY110 and COWBELLY and standing next to the fire. COWBELLY Beautiful. AUDREY110 Thank you. COWBELLY Not you, you Paula-Deen-lookin' cunt. COWBELLY walks up to the shell on the ground. COWBELLY The shell.

Skit #138
INT. WXONWXOFF'S IGLOO - DAY. COWBELLY and WXONWXOFF are hanging out. COWBELLY I am so high right now. Are you stoned, man? WXONWXOFF Not stoned. Just slightly pebbled. COWBELLY Get out.

Skit #139
BEACH - DAY. COWBELLY is the DJ at the beach party. COWBELLY Alright, everybody. I'd like to play you all one of my personal favorites. SINGER I take a look at my enormous penis.

Skit #140
INT. PIZZA PARLOR - DAY. COWBELLY is sitting at a booth. The waiter, 2HELPFUL21, walks over to him. COWBELLY Excuse me, sir. This pizza was served with a slice already eaten. 2HELPFUL21 Just eat your Goddamn pizza, you munching bitch. COWBELLY Listen up here, you fat sack of shit.

Skit #141
EXT. LIGHTHOUSE - DAY. COWBELLY walks up to BRIEE11 and supposedly flirts with her. COWBELLY Ey, girl. Are you a Prius? 'Cause you're not giving me any sounds or indications you're turned on right now. BRIEE11 Goddamn. What a savage. BRIEE11 leaves. COWBELLY No. What? Come back here.

Skit #142
INT. PIZZA PARLOR - DAY. COWBELLY is working the register. F0KURFACE robs him, eats the money, and climbs into the oven.

Skit #143
INT. MADELINE47'S IGLOO - DAY. COWBELLY is hanging out with MADELINE47. COWBELLY Want anything from the pizza shop? MADELINE47 No thank you. COWBELLY Oh okay, you fat cunt. Don't have to be rude. MADELINE47 How is that rude, you sack of shit? I said "No thank 						you." That's what you're supposed to say. COWBELLY Goodbye, you fat zucchini. COWBELLY leaves.

Skit #144
EXT. TOWN - DAY. COWBELLY walks up to one of the many PINK PENGUINS. COWBELLY Hey. Can you give me your friend's number? The one on the right. PINK PENGUIN NO. 1 Hey. Can you get sodomized by a goat? PINK PENGUIN NO. 1 leaves.

Skit #145
INT. LIGHTHOUSE - DAY. COWBELLY is conducting yet another KKK meeting. COWBELLY Hello. Yes. Welcome to the third annual KKK meeting. PENGUIN NO. 1 You would expect the location to be better after three fuckin' times of doing it. COWBELLY Listen up here, you fat cunt.

Skit #146
INT. TOWN - DAY. COWBELLY is having a conversation with KEDZIE449. COWBELLY Would you rather be uncontrollably sexually attracted to cantaloupes or have a violent orgasm every time you hear the word "popcorn". KEDZIE449 What the fuck is wrong with you? KEDZIE449 leaves.

Skit #147
EXT. TOWN - DAY. COWBELLY walks up to PAULY2RD and starts flirting. COWBELLY Ey, girl. Do you like Wendy's? 												PAULY2RD I guess. COWBELLY Good, so you will love it Wendy's nuts slap your chin.

Skit #148
INT. CHATROOM - DAY. PERSON NO. 1 I was on Club Penguin when I was seven or 						eight and I said to my penguin buddy, "cum 						here" and I got banned fore saying "cum" and I'm like "What that?", so I Google it and next thing you know, I was on ThrobbingDick.com.

Skit #149
INT. SUKMYA55'S IGLOO - DAY. COWBELLY comes inside his igloo and he has apparently just walked in on someone having intercourse, but it is offscreen. COWBELLY Hey, man. Oh. I can come back later. The camera then moves to reveal SUKMYA55 sitting on one of many carpets in his igloo.

Skit #150
INT RESTAURANT - DAY. COWBELLY is at a table waiting for a waiter to come over to him. Finally, a waiter, ROYROY0, walks up behind him and gets into a humping position. ROYROY0 What would you like today? COWBELLY I'd like to order some personal space please. ROYROY0 Sorry, sir. We don't serve that here. COWBELLY In that case, I'd like to order a handgun and a bodybag.